Throw your W's up!!! Front, back, side to side... A long Memorial Day weekend capped off by a visit to the ER and the kid needs a vacation. Between an Irish funeral, a terrible Dominican club with 2 terrible hood rat chicks, a crazy crawfish boil, experiencing disgusting Philly fans at Yankee Stadium during an extra-innings loss, almost getting punched in the face by a man-hating lesbian, and then a 4 am visit to Columbia Presbyterian's ER I'm glad the weekend is over and life can return to normal. I'd like to chalk several of the events that occurred up to the sauce so I will blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.
The image above was reason for the ER trip. The hand met the sidewalk and the sidewalk clearly won. Luckily there was still blood on the hand when I took the pic- shit could be Pulitzer worthy. Everybody was so wrecked that we all thought she broke her ankle, cause she kept saying, "grab my ankle, grab my ankle." Then we saw the hand and the "OH SHIT!!" chorus began. The pinky was fucked to the fucked up- wicked witch of the west status. To make matters worse I wasn't able to get a slice. I could have sworn the spot was open before we hit the bar. I was bugging.
Below is how the hand looks now. Dislocated pinky, fractured middle finger, and possibly some other damage. That's one fat hand.
Just some beats to accompany a drink fest. Mind you I primarily mess with the beer (can Patron it up if need be), but liks are more prevalent in hip hop tracks. Especially the Hen-rock, the most vile liquid on the planet. How anybody can enjoy that is beyond me. Not the greatest collection, but with enough sauce this mix is grammy worthy. Pardon any drug references, certain joints were package deals. If there are any glaring omissions, let me know and I'll add. I'm still drunk. Really doe, as Dre would say.
Tha Alkaholiks ft. Ol' Dirty Bastard- Hip Hop Drunkies
Three 6 Mafia- Sippin' On Da Syrup
Mobb Deep ft. Q-Tip Drink Away the Pain
The Beatnuts- Pyscho Dwarf
Dr. Dre- Gin And Juice
Dr. Dre- Puffin' on Blunts and Drankin' Tanqueray
B.G.- Hennessy & XTC
Lord Sear- Alcoholic Vibes
Black Sheep- Pass the Forty
Cassidy- My Drink and My 2 Step
Tha Alkaholiks- Only When I'm Drunk
Nas- Drunk By Myself
Young Black Teenagers- Tap the Bottle
A better image of the permanent "W". Rep that shit- and to all you mark ass busters, West Up!!!!
Tuesdays usually suck, but after watching this you will disagree.
This is the gift that keeps giving. Big shout to my boy Mark for passing this goody my way. The laughter hasn't ended. I can't stop playing it. HYSTERICAL. It reminds me of when you know you're about to vomit when you're talking to someone and you keep your responses real terse and soft spoken until you need to just spew. The Path To Destruction just makes it better. A premonition?
He says he's going to pass out 3 times, the first in a whisper. What does a handshake do? Unless that dude has hands of steel? Grab the guy, not his hands. Yes, this is amazing. I might have to start watching Mr. Beck on Fox News now. Who would have thought that the right wing agenda was this amusing. Word is the guest is alright. At least Mr. Beck seemed genuinely concerned for the dude's well-being. I imagine many of the on-air sorts would have been perturbed. But low top Chuck Taylors? Come on dude- at least wear some loafers. You have a reputation to maintain.
Pass this on to anybody that knows how to laugh. Your good deed of the day.
I've been meaning to do a Fakin' The Funk post for a couple of months now, but the shit that irked me didn't rate high enough on the "go fuck yourself" meter. All I wanted was a reason to post up both versions of the Main Source classic "Fakin' The Funk" - something I was unaware of until recently. The idea just sat there. Today I can finally say that there's some bullshit going on and some major faking of the funk. A major thank you goes out to all parties as well as a big old fuck you. All I know is that I'm seriously faking the funk by posting the image above.
NYC MTA:
25% fare hikes during the worst economic climate in our lifetime. If you experienced the depression maybe not. Effective May 31, a ride will go from $2 to $2.5o. Monthly passes from $81 to $103. There goes that pair of $264 kicks I was going to treat myself to. Unemployment rates are at all time high- NYC just surpassed 8%- the highest in 16 years and almost double from a year ago- and now it'll cost more for these people to interview for prospective jobs, or better yet try to access the great (read: terrible) services at each of the borough's labor offices. Corporate America is getting bailed out so why not the everyday American. Fuck American International Group and let's focus on the American Local Group, i.e. the people. Rather than get pissed at the government, I'll stick with Lee Sander and his people. Wasn't there a budget surplus not too long ago? And they've even begun advertising on the outside of the train- love History channel- doesn't that bring in the cake? There's got to be other ways to generate revenue. MTA- You're Faking the Funk.
The New York Yankees:
What a buttahface. I do not hate the Yankees as a team. Let's be very clear. But as a business they leave a lot to desire, though I truly appreciate the CC and Tex pick-ups. It seems that segregation is alive and well at the house that A-Rod built. More like class warfare. In the Yankee Stadium A to Z Guide there is a mention that only ticket holders of field level seats will have access to the concessions in that level. Am I to believe that as an upper deck ticket holder I cannot enjoy the same things that the field boxer can? Are my tastes not as refined? The velvet rope will be in full effect at the new stadium. It was bad enough when they began to not let little kids into the field level box seats once they became empty in the later innings. That was one of the greatest thrills back in the days along with watching batting practice down low while trying to get a ball, pause, or autograph- it was your chance to be so close to the action. When it was over you went to your seat. Simple. Bring the fucking fun back you miserable pieces of shit. NY Yankees- You're Fakin' the Funk.
NYC Board of Education
I was a student at PS 24 from K through 6th grade. Principal Rothstein ran the show and like his staff back in the 80s, they were old school, meant business and more often than not filled their students with fear. You acted up- you got dealt with. A new breed has entered the school system- these ideological, romantic, save the world weirdos. I'd probably be one of them, but that shit wouldn't last long. I've subbed in the system and witnessed the craziness firsthand. Anyway- the current principal at 24 is being probed for Bizarre Buddhist Hate Chants he led for teachers that refused to kiss his hand every morning. I didn't know that hate was in the Buddhist's vocabulary. The voodoo dolls and effigies were next if the hateful hymns didn't do the job. Get this man the fuck away from these kids. No wonder they now grow up wearing tight pants and listening to Kanye. Enough already. How do you hire quacks like this? Maybe it's time to reevaluate the screening process. NYC Board of Ed and Principal Scharper- You're Faking the Funk.
Inconsiderate Neighbors:
There are 4 washers and 2 dryers in my building shared by 60 plus units. These machines are in demand. When doing your laundry have the fucking respect for your fellow tenant and don't let your shit sit in said washer and dryer for a period of time after the cycle ends. I prefer not taking your items out of the dryer for 2 reasons- 1- if you're a chick I'm a creep for touching and smelling your bra and panties, and 2- there isn't a clean surface or basket to throw them in/on. While I'd love to show you the same respect you show me, I'm not that much of an asshole. This shit gets me as livid as shitty drivers- laundry room rage. Selfish neighbor- You're Faking the Funk.
Ba ba bup bup ba.
As I said in the beginning of this post, I didn't know there were 2 versions of Main Source's "Fakin' the Funk" until recently. The track originally appeared on the White Men Can't Rap Soundtrack and was then released as a remix 12" on Wild Pitch Records- the remix is the one I know. The original goes straight into the Main Ingredient sample while the remix has Large Professor telling us "Now I've never been one to knock the next man for getting his...but this has always been something for which you have to be true...now this is how we do" over Kool & the Gang's "N.T." Build up to get you ready. The track feels empty without it. The remix has a faster tempo than the OG and after several listens this becomes very obvious. The lyrics are basically the same in the first verse with several different ad libs thrown in. Things get switched up in the second verse. The OG version is missing the "cause times are real and I can't feel putting (scratches) down on the real to real" - one of the highlights of the track. The remix wins all day. I've attached the original sample. Peep the dope artwork. I need to tie food in somehow.
I rarely use this site for personal gain, but fuck it. It's a win-win for everybody.
I'm cleaning. What's new? I'm always trying to clean the crib. But it's more like tetris. I just move things into empty spaces and the game continues. I'm tired of that and realize this can't go on any longer.
I'm unloading between 700-1000 records. Mostly hip hop with some R&B- primarily late 90s- to mid 2000s, with other years thrown in. LPs, 12"s, promos and so on. Nas, Jay, Talib, Mary J., DMX, T.I., Busta, De La, Slick Rick, Fat Joe, Mobb Deep, and the list goes on. Pretty much all of the records are in excellent condition- many unplayed. A lot of doubles too for the rusty DJ that wants to polish up a little. Fuck Serato. Keep vinyl alive. Do it for hip hop.
I'm selling it as a lot. Looking for between $400-$500 for everything. Approximately 10-14 crates/cartons. Basically 50 cents per record. The list keeps growing so the value will get even better. I want it out. You want it in. Works perfectly.
Think of it as an act of philanthropy. All the money will help fund some adventurous snail eating in the South Bronx or duck tongues in China Town. Or I'll just cop some fresh kicks that I can coo about. I promise no H hats. We have enough for now. Or maybe I'll finally step the game up and make www.howfresheats.com official. Pay for some server space and become the webmaster I always dreamed about.
If interested you can leave a comment or hit me at howfresheats@gmail.com. I have a list of most of them, but as I said, the list keeps growing. Unfortunately this is for NYC/Tri State only because there's no way I'm mailing these things. Good news is I have an elevator to makes things easier.
I beg of you. GET THESE SHITS OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!
The economy must be fucked up when people start shooting arrows. Bullets are dirt cheap so this is saying something. Maybe Bloomberg's anti-gun policies are resulting in more antiquated forms of weaponry.
In case you haven't heard, a woman was shot with an arrow Sunday afternoon in front of a nursing home in the Riverdale section of the Bronx. What gets me shook is that this is the same nursing home where I vote. Where I exercise my duties as an American citizen. Am I to believe this was some random act of violence or a message? A message to the voting public that a change isn't/wasn't wanted? Maybe this arrow was shot on November 4th, got caught in a massive tempest, and 4 months later began its descent. That must have been one ill trajectory.
It appears that this was an accident- a freakish occurrence of stupidity, and the woman unluckily walked into the arrow's path. This thing got lodged several inches into her belly. Unlike bullets, arrows aren't traceable via serial numbers, so this might go unsolved for a while. We have enough fucked up shit to deal with nowadays between the economy, job market, and A-Rod. Now this? I just can't deal. I'm lucky enough to be able to see buses and airplanes with my oversized fitteds covering my pupils, let alone propelled projectiles.
If this was a kid practicing for his archery team, then his parents need a beating. What's wrong with basketball, stickball, football, baseball, you name it? Fucking kids man. Get off your computer and your other tech bullshit and get some exercise. Archery doesn't count.
Or maybe the Wack-quas-keek Indians that once inhabited the Northwest Bronx are taking back what is rightfully theirs?
HERE is the article from the March 17, 2009 NY Times.
While other places might have festive images of bottles popping and balls dropping- whoa- I got guns. You got he got they got...We got guns, big ones, extra large heat. Humongous shit that won't fit up under your car seat. It would be extra cool if the above pistol was manufactured by Heckler & Koch- give this post a little H flavor. But it's not, just a Glock. With that we should all have a peaceful, healthy and prosperous 2009.
Already I'm off to a bad start. It's been only 6 days and the resolution has gone to shit. I told myself no blogging in the new year. Time to get outdoors, read, do laundry, change sheets, floss, throw out garbage, and shit like that. But I couldn't stay away from the internets. Honestly, I should have 10 posts locked and loaded already. Right. Who the fuck am I kidding?
As you read this I am in the process of compiling every "best of '08" list known to man. Beats, eats, kicks, fitteds, and so on. I'm in the lab each night burning that midnight oil so that I can read about what I like. Ain't that some egregiously on my own tip shit? Nah, just a little self absorbed. That's it. Hopefully these lists will be out by 2nd quarter '09. Sort of like the Howfresheats quarterly report. Investors will be able to see how we ponzi. No Madoff though. I would never steal from a friend. What a fucking dirtbag.
While I don't have any music to offer, restaurant to recommend, or sneaker to gush over, I don't come fruitless. The Professional Bull Riders tour is at the Garden this weekend and while all you too cool for bulls city slickers might turn up your urban nose, don't sleep. This shit is dope. 1,500 pound steers unleashing pure violence on some crazy westerners is very enjoyable. Especially in person. And it's at MSG. One night you see the Knicks lose to the Oklahoma City Thunder- really?- and the next you're in the World's Most Famous Arena catching wafts of bull shit. No bullshit. It's popping Friday to Sunday so get involved. Tickets are available HERE. If you're not convinced, peep this article in Monday's NY Times about the life of a bull rider. I'll stick to my current relationship with the bovine creatures, eating them.
You heard it. He finally gained the courage to move his shit. I have no clue what it's like to travel light. I've been lugging this anchor around for years. I went to Charleston with tons of stuff, and came back with more. Moved to Woodlawn, and leaving with more- at least at the moment. And now I'm off to Inwood and just put a bullet in my head. But I'm too invested to back out now.
Whenever the idea of relocating would pop up in the noggin, little birds would tweet and flap their wings, and then BAM, a crate of records would smash their little delicate frames. I'm not trying to fill your heads with gory, macabre images, but that's how it went. I was a prisoner of my own doing. Today I am happy to proclaim that those chains of oppression have been shattered and I'm a free man. Hide the women, lock up the babies and keep the livestock in their pens.
I wish my move would be as easy and free spirited as what is pictured above. Give me a frame and I'll hang myself with it. Ugh. Instead I'm working with what's below. I am sending out an open invitation to anybody that would love to partake in the move of 2008. Meet at 9am at the corner of 235th and Katonah and the party will start. Whatever you want from Sean's Irish Deli- I got you. Blood pudding, white pudding, Irish bacon, lucozade, chicken curry, scones- charge it to the game. Then I'll hit you with the tostones or mofongo in the new hood.
With all that said, until I'm back online, postings will be limited- as if they haven't been lately. Technically I've been involved with the move since the 1st, so I have a reason for lackluster productivity. So don't forget about me. Just peruse some other sites for your weekly/daily fix and I'll be back very shortly with some mind blowing, out of this world content.
Only problem I have now is which borough to rep at a party- do I lock and load the nickel plated twin milly when they shout "Is Uptown in the house?" or stay loyal to my roots and squeeze the blamma when they ask "Is the Bronx in this Motherfucker?" Time will tell.
I'm curious how many mothers are true howfresheats enthusiasts. Aside from my own, who doesn't know how to use a computer and hopefully has never visited, I'd take the under on 1.5. And that 1 is pretty generous. Let me know if I'm wrong. Moms can be into this shit. Sneakers, fitteds, hip hop and all that jazz.
I found the above card rather amusing. And it answered some questions about my younger years. After the toddler/youth years of underoos, I made the switch to colored tighties. Elementary school days before I knew about boxers. Now, I'm not saying I was a messy kid shitting my pants and all, but my mother just might have been utilizing these as a possible preemptive strike to those visible skid marks, and embarrassment for all. The woman is brilliant. Love you Mom. Happy Mother's Day.
Things have been crazy. I just got back from nowhere and I've been extremely busy doing nothing. Shit takes its toll after a while. Need a break, you know? I haven't posted in more than a week and all these ideas floating around the melon are beginning to overwhelm me. I'm talking fly shit. Dope shit. Next level shit. Pulitzer prize shit. Can bloggers win those? Watch me.
When it came to papers and deadlines I procrastinated with the best of them. All nighters, watching the clock strike. I thought, or hoped those days were over. Apparently not. I say this because there were a lot of things I wanted to touch on, ayyyyyyyyyyoo, but due to the time sensitive nature of some of these events, they are now old news. Howfresheats isn't about that stale shit. Fresh is in there for a reason. No browning on the lettuce, soft spots on the peaches, fish whose eyes aren't shiny. I'm on some green market shit, and am committed to providing the best goodies. I fucking love green markets by the way. I was definitely an Amish farmer from Bird-in-Hand, PA in a past life.
The NCAA Championship is a wrap. I had this Tyler Hansborough post ready to spew some minor hate. He's such great fodder. And he takes Swahili at UNC. But it's too late. Also wanted to discuss a photo of Lasto (Lastings Milledge) and Meathook (Dmitri Young) walking on the new Nationals field in suits with Young carrying a teflon brief case. Shit was classic. But again, it's too late. The season has begun. That's another problem. With baseball season in full swing, I just ordered the Extra Innings package and the games are limitless. Except when there are no games. Wednesday night Padres vs Pirates games are more exciting than you think. Don't hate until you try it. I'll just need to learn to balance it all.
With that said, I renew my vows to stay on my grind and keep it crispy.
I know I'm slacking. Had images of posts of grandeur this weekend, but fell short of executing. Here's a little Cliff's Notes version of what's popping.
Got put onto some divine swine by the most Kosher dude I know, Buck. Summer time hits, BACON PIGS will be on the menu with Hebrew Nats. We are an understanding and welcoming people.
Grammys don't excite me anymore. A. Keys is one of the best things to come out of the music industry in years. I don't like Stronger and this electro/hiphop shit. Herbie Hancock is a legend- first time a jazz record won best album in more than 40 years. And Amy Winehouse is so fucking crazy. You see her eyes when she was performing? She got some joints though and loves Ma Dukes. Tell Natalie Cole to stop hating. Peep below for:
Didn't get to see Nas hit the red carpet, but his shirt is making noise. I don't think he's aiding the efforts to abolish the word. Cunninlynguists made a great commercial for it. Blankitos will be elated that they can order their copy on the internet. Shit would have been a problem in the early 90's.
Following up on the NYC Air Force 1 vote post from Mid January, the purple highs came out victorious. Might have to cop since I just got this in...
Super Tuesday has come to an end and hopefully all you patriotic souls made it to the polls to hit some switches like the E Double. In all honesty this is some serious shit and if you have the privilege of being able to participate in the election, you sure as shit better. After what this country's been through under the current regime, and what we're currently experiencing with respect to the war and recession, we need to make some changes.
I wish I was able to provide the following information prior to the vote. I have a feeling some of you might have reassessed your positions.
Chow.com breaks down the candidates' favorite foods with the Super Tuesday Eat Sheet. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I eat like a Republican.
For starters, did you know that Hilary LOVES tacos? Look at her devour that thing.
Did you know that Obama is a real man that can cook?
Kucinich is a vegan. Or is he? Might be on some Akinyele steez. He had a little bout with food poising in 2007. If I'm going to get sick eating tofu and veggies, I might as well stick to burgers and swine. I've thrown up after eating at Uptown Juice Bar. Pumpkin is disgusting.
McCain eats his burgers medium rare- the only way in my opinion. And has no trouble diving into that thing wearing a tie. He is also part owner of Russ & John's, an integrity themed restaurant.
Romney is Un-American. Do you really want him running the country? He takes the skin off his KFC. That's the best part- tasty, oily, crunchy. What's next? No BBQs on July 4th? No hot dogs at the ball game? Plus he loves the Sawx.
Huckabee eats squirrel. Let me rephrase that, he fried squirrels in a popcorn popper and then ate it. He also eats horse. Got to give the man some props for that. Looks like a porkchop to me. He lost close to 120 pounds so he can eat whatever he wants. I don't agree with any of his right wing loony tunes, but having somebody in office that lost close to 120 pounds would be good for this overweight country.
I'm just happy he conceded defeat. (Please disregard the photoshop skills of a 2nd grader.)
Random little piece of info. I don't like when I click on links, and the page your viewing becomes the link you clicked. I rather a new page open so as not to interrupt my e-flow. Even here I noticed all my links opened in the same page. Why would I want to inconvenience all you good people? It had to stop immediately. And it has.
After a little research, I found the answer. When typing your link add target="_blank".
For example, here is the link to the Best of 2007:
a href="http: howfresheats.blogspot.com/2008/01/best-of-2007-so-many-records-to-choose. html ">Best of 2007 To make it open in a new page it would be:
a href="http: howfresheats.blogspot.com/2008/01/best-of-2007-so-many-records-to-choose. html "target = "_blank">Best of 2007 /a.
Wow- this took me forever to post- kept getting error messages because it kept reading it as a link. Hope this helps. Now you can call me HOWFRESH HTML.
...Know what I'm sayin'? And Ain't No Half Steppin'- Word, I'm Ready!!
Do you believe that Long Live the Kane is turning 20 this year? And it still sounds so fresh. 11 years old and rocking that shit. I hope Allen forgives me. Fuck that- lil man's a lawyer so my influence must have paid huge dividends. Just hit me with a wing in your mini mansion- preferably on the eastern side to see the sun rise.
Happy New Year to all- 2008's going to be our year. I feel it. In all honesty, it was a really anticlimactic new year. The streets were empty, the bar was pretty empty, and there was no feeling of excitement. Nothing like previous new years that I've experienced. I was with good people, but it felt like any other night. I would have been happy at home in front of the 42" Sharp Aquos (good looking D) with some cham-pa-na (put the squiggle over the n) and someone else.
With that said, I'm looking forward to this year- even excited about it. More than I can say for years past. Time to make shit happen. This right here is a start.
My final meal of 2007 was a Piper's Kilt swiss bacon burger. No pics- my bad. 2007 was the year of the burger- mad spots opening everywhere, and celebrity chefs throwing their hat in the burger ring. And while I read so much about all these new spots and all the premier burger spots, not once was PK's ever mentioned. I haven't had many burgers that even come close. More burgers for us I guess. I always order medium rare with a slice of tomato and raw onion. Never add ketchup cause the meat doesn't need any extra flavor. The blood from the medium rare provides that little extra, and it even enhances the fries. Full disclosure- yesterday's burger wasn't cooked to my specifications- more on the medium side. A little disappointed, but the grill man must have started partying already. This is the only time the burger was ever overcooked in all my trips there. I'll let it slide.
First off I would like to thank everybody that supported me... I feel like I'm on stage accepting an award- not that anybody's listening. Yet, at least. Internet bloggie awards are only a stones throw away and I'm making space on that shelf- or are they virtual too. Fuck it- I'll create a new drive and put up some new shelves.
What does Howfresh eat? I eat fish, tossed salads and make rap ballads. No doubt. Along with NYC and tristate grub, the daily diet consists of beats, kicks, fitteds, and a variety of other shit- anything with an H and other quirky shit. Whatever the flavor of the day is. Verbal diarrhea via my fingers.
The idea has been there, but until the lovely lady in my life made this a reality, it would still be a dream. A birthday gift that tops any pair of air forces or super limited H fitted out there. Shit, I'm just excited about writing this. I'm green to this, so bear with me. I haven't written in years so hopefully after some posts, I'll be dropping some literal buttahs. I know I overuse commas and there are other grammatical mishaps, but I've been reading retarded sneaker forums for so long that my reality has shifted.
But check it- I'm 31 today and that sounds older than 30- significantly. As Jimmy says, 30's the new the 20, but you 40 I'm 30 so who's 20- genius. The Barnes and Noble/Blockbuster Jim Jones story is even better- I'll save that for a later post. Damn it feels good. This is some historical shit and I'm glad to be a part of it. To all the viewers, and lurkers, I hope you enjoy the world of How.
You might be wondering what you're venturing in to when you see a dude making out with a lobster. Crustacean kissing is only part of the repertoire. Enjoying good grub, hip hop, sneakers, fitteds, sports, the letter H, travel and NYC is what I do. Hopefully you'll get put on to something you were unaware of. If not, just enjoy the read. Any comments, suggestions, or food recommendations, hit me at HowfreshEats@gmail.com.
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