Aren't Fantasies Supposed to be Fun??

Because Fantasy Baseball sure as shit isn't. Call it Nightmare Baseball, or This Isn't Fun Baseball, or Little League was Great Compared to this Baseball. Beginning in approximately 8 hours, the next 6 months of my life will be dictated by daily line-ups, injury reports, constant conversations with my brother to discuss who should play corner or utility, praying your pitcher doesn't get shelled, and things of that nature. I only have one player in the Japanese opener between the A's and Red Sox- Mark Ellis, but it's all we need. Full disclosure, being a Yankees fan I have always refused to draft Red Sox. You have to root for your players to do well and I will be damned if I root for any of the Sawx. I am so happy Prince Fielder fell to us in the first. Really didn't want to draft Big Papi.

For those of you unfamiliar with Fantasy Baseball or other fantasy sports, the goal is to draft a team with players that will produce the greatest collective amount for the chosen categories. For offense our categories includes runs, rbis, home runs, stolen bases, and OPS- that's on base percentage plus slugging percentage. With OPS sluggers are more valuable. Little speedsters that hit for a lot of singles, i.e. Ichiro, lose value. Our pitching categories are wins, strikeouts, saves, ERA, and WHIP- walks and hits per inning.

Not that anybody gives a shit, but I'm going to provide a detailed breakdown of our team (my brother and I).



1st Round- Prince Fielder- 1B- Milwaukee Brewers. This dreaded vegeterian wonder will wreak havoc on all opposing pitchers. No room for that vegan shit at the plate. We out for blood. All this shit happened because his wife gave him a book.

2nd Round- Mark Texiera- 1B- Atlanta Braves. Locking down pop between Tex and Prince. His walk season too. Braves will win the NL East, or the Phils.

3rd Round- Bobby Abreu- RF- NY Yankees. Will steal 30 with Girardi and score a shitload of runs. Love having Yankees. Hopefully he'll have some more pop and hit 20-25 HRs.

4th Round- Alex Rios- RF- Toronto Bluejays. Poor man's Grady Sizemore. Can go 25-25 with an 850+ OPS. With Pence being the next OFer to be taken, I'm ecstatic to get him where we got him.

5th Round- Brian Roberts- 2B- Baltimore Orioles. Love having him on my team. Will steal 50 bags. If he gets traded to the Cubs the stock rises even more. Not a fan of having Orioles.

6th Round- Chipper Jones- 3B- Atlanta Braves. Prettiest swing in baseball. And a humanitarian. 1000 OPS last year with 29 HRs, and he missed 30 games. Stay healthy Chip.


I hope to see A LOT of this.

7th Round- Carlos Zambrano- Pitcher- Chicago Cubs. Usually don't got a pitcher this high, but Zam Bam was just sitting out there and is primed for a great year. Plus Smoltz was taken several picks earlier and I wanted Smoltz. His head case shit seems to be a thing of the past.

8th Round- Mariano Rivera- Closer- NY Yankees. When you need a closer, why not go with Mo. Had a little hiccup last year, but with the new contract and Joba setting the table, I smell saves and a great ERA.

9th Round- Felix Hernandez- Pitcher- Seattle Mariners. Not characteristic of our drafting style, but his upside is major. Plus love Safeco. El Rey, El Rey.

10th Round- Manny Corpas- Closer- Colorado Rockies. After cleaning up Fuentes' mess last year, Corpas enters the season with security. Even in Coors field, dude's nasty.

11th Round- Brad Lidge- Closer- Philadelphia Phillies. I know you're thinking- 5 pitchers in a row?!?!?! We are too. This completes are closer trinity and puts us in the top 3rd of saves. He might be hurt right now, and has some shaky history, but Brad will be happy to play with some winners in Philly as well as being a bit further from Mr. Pujols. We hedged it later by taking Flash in the 21st. See below.

12th Round- Johnny Damon- LF- NY Yankees. I really like this pick. A potential 25-25 guy in the 12th round. WHAT?? Leadoff on the Yankees means runs machine. Hopefully he stays healthy.

13th Round- Adam Laroche- 1B- Pittsburgh Pirates. If he can put it together and give us 30 HRs and near 900 OPS, I love the value.

14th Round- Ted Lilly- Pitcher- Chicago Cubs. Until last year I wanted nothing to do with Teddy. Between his under achieving Yankees days and fighting his manager in Toronto, dude was a mess. Then he landed in Wrigley and shocked the shit out of everybody. I'm not expecting last year's numbers, but something close. At least the Cubs will win games. Keep the WHIP down doggie.

15th Round- Stephen Drew- SS- Arizona Diamondbacks. We needed a SS and he was the best guy on the board. He has the potential to go 15-15, a slight rarity for that position. It's his second full year so hopefully the kinks are out.

16th Round- Michael Cuddyer- RF- Minnesota Twins. Not in love with this pick. Had a down year in 2007, but hoping for some '06 numbers this year. 25 HRs is doable along with 100 and 100. Somebody's got to make up for Johan's absence.

17th Round- Scott Rolen- 3B- Toronto Blue Jays. Needed a back up 3B, especially with Chipper's propensity for injuries, but might have been better getting someone that doesn't have a similar history. Would have taken Kouzmanoff in SD if he was on the board. New digs in Toronto should be good for Scotty. Too bad he broke his finger yesterday and is on the DL.

18th Round- Randy Johnson- P- Arizona Diamondbacks. For all the pain he put us through with the Yankees, I feel this can be his bounce back year. As a 4th starter, I love the upside. Just stay healthy and you're still nasty.


Doesn't he look so much more relaxed in Arizona? Not punching photographers or anything like that.

19th Round- Bronson Arroyo- P- Cincinnati Reds. Our 5th starter, so there isn't any pressure to pitch him. If he can regain some of that '06 glory, we might be in for something special. Otherwise he'll keep the clubhouse atmosphere upbeat with his guitar solos.

20th Round- Freddie Sanchez- 2B- Pittsburgh Pirates. Didn't like this pick at all during the draft. I wasn't as prepared as I should have been with all my rookie and prospect info. Shame on me. Turns out it's not a bad pick. He can score runs and has OPS potential of 800. His shoulder's acting up so he might be headed for the DL.

21st Round- Tom Gordon- Relief Pitcher- Philadelphia Phillies. As mentioned earlier with Lidge, felt it was a smart move to hedge the Phillies bullpen by scooping up Gordon. Very insightful on our part since Lidge is starting the season on the DL and will miss at least a week.

22nd Round- Carlos Gomez- CF- Minnesota Twins. Took a flier on him and he won the starting CF job. Acquired from the Mets for Johan, Gomez has 50 SB potential. Might be some great trade bait in the future.

23rd Round- Mike Cameron- CF- Milwaukee Brewers. Killa Cam baby. He'll take the 25 games like it's nothing and return with the hat tilted and the bat ready. A 20-20 guy in the 23rd round is too good to be true. Plus this is the first hitters' park he's played in in 9 years. Hold your head Mike.



24th Round- Mark Ellis- 2B- Oakland Athletics. This pick took too long for us, but getting a MI who had 19 HR and 9 SB in the 24th round seems like a good thing, possibly a great thing. One of a small handful of players from South Dakota.

25th Round- Derrick Turnbow- Relief Pitcher- Milwaukee Brewers. I really don't like Turnbow. He's broken my heart before and I don't want to get hurt again. But he's next in line for closer duties for the Brew Crew and Gagne has looked the farthest thing from impressive. For a 25th round pick, worth the gamble.

26th Round- Andre Ethier- LF- Los Angeles Dodgers. At the time of the draft (March 16th) Ethier had been tearing it up. He still is and completely outplayed Juan Pierre. We'll see what Torre does. He deserves to start. To draft a starting OFer with his skill set this late is pretty nice.

27th Round- Joey Gathright- LF- Kansas City Royals. Last pick of the draft and we weren't that focused. Gathright had been on my radar for his steal potential so we scooped him up. Might be the fastest man in baseball, but he needs to play for that to matter. Watch him jump over a car HERE.

This was very therapeutic for me. The more I read and write about the team, the more confident I am we can place. Buy in per team is 3 bills with 1st place winning $1900, 2nd place $800, 3rd $600, and 4th $300.


I'd be pleased with either the Yanks or my team winning this.

LET THE MADNESS BEGIN.

Some baseball ditties:

John Fogerty- Put Me In Coach

Terry Cashman- Talking Baseball


And a Happy Easter to all. Did you know that in 2007 the average amount of eggs sold in a week was 41.5 million dozens, but Easter Week sold 67.3 million dozen. Also egg coloring kits sold better in colder areas. I'd be interested to find out if there's a noticeable sales spike for the week preceding Halloween.